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a small journey through hell
 
 
A man dies and goes to Hell. The devil offers to personally escort the man around so he can choose the section of hell he would like to be in. The first section has everybody being burned constantly and getting a glass of water every 7 hours. The second section has everybody working hard and getting a glass of water every three hours. The last section has everybody kneedeep in crap.

"Well, this doesn't look too bad -- and it beats being burned or working. I'll take the crap."

"Okay," says the devil. "Everybody back on their heads."

the offspring
 
 
A birch and a beech tree grow up side by side in the forest. One day, a sapling grows between them, and each swears that it's not their son. The beech thinks it's a son-of-a-birch, and the birch thinks it's a son-of-a-beech. To settle it, they enlist the help of a woodpecker, who checks it out.

"You are both wrong," he says when he comes back up. "That's the best piece of ash I've ever had my pecker in."

knights and birth control limerick
 
 
In days of old, when knights were bold,
And condoms weren't invented,
They wrapped their socks
Around their cocks,
And babies were prevented!
throwing stuff down a mineshaft
 
 
Two guys were hiking in the mountains when they came across an old mine shaft going straight down into the ground.

"Wow," said the first guy. "I wonder how deep it is?"

"I dunno," said the second.

"Let's find out." With that, he dropped a rock down the hole. They waited and waited, but didn't hear it hit bottom.

"Hmm. Let's try a bigger rock," said the first guy, and tossed a watermelon-sized stone down the hole. They waited a couple of minutes, but didn't hear it hit either. So, they looked around for something bigger to throw down and came across an old railroad tie, which they lifted together and dumped down the hole. Then suddenly, as they waited to hear it hit, a goat streaked between the two of them and jumped straight down the mineshaft.

While they stood there scratching their heads in amazement, a third guy came up the path and asked them if they'd seen a goat.

"Yeah, just now," said one of the first two guys. "It just ran up and jumped down this hole."

"Oh, well then it couldn't have been my goat," said the third guy. "My goat was tied to an old railroad tie."


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