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god's speed of service
A man asked God how much a million dollars was to him. God replied, 'Oh, about one penny.' Then the man asked how much an eternity was to him. God replied, 'Oh, about a second.' Then the man asked. 'Can I have a million dollars and live an eternal life?' God replied, 'Sure, just wait a sec.'
ethnic joke
How does every ethnic joke start?

By looking over your shoulder...

What's the difference between a bagpipe and an onion?

No one cries when you cut up a bagpipe.
blind skydivers
Do you know why blind people don't skydive?

It scares the crap out of their seeing-eye-dogs.

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