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elephant innuendo
 
 
Why does an elephant have four feet?

Because in the animal kingdom six inches just doesn't cut it.

logical nun
 
 
A nun was telling some other nuns about how she was almost attacked by a man the night before. They all wanted to know how she managed to escape. 'It was easy,' she said, 'I stopped and pulled my dress up.'

Shocked, the other nuns said, 'And then what?!'

'He pulled his pants down,' the nun replied.

'And then what?!' cried the unbelieving nuns.

'And then I ran,' she said. 'After all, a nun with her dress up can run much faster than a man with his pants down.'

the three astronauts
 
 
Once upon a time Nasa decided to send 3 astronauts to space for 2 years. One was American, one was Russian, and the other was English. NASA allowed each of them to take 200 pounds of baggage each.

The American decided to take along his wife, the Englishman decided to take along books to learn how to speak German, whilst the Russian decided to take along cigarettes.

Two years later, when the space shuttle landed, there was a big crowd waiting to welcome them home. First came the American and his wife, and each of them had a baby in their arms. Next came the Englishman speaking fluent German. They both gave their speeches and got a rousing round of applause.

Suddenly, out came the Russian with a cigarette in his mouth. He walked up to the podium, snarled at the crowd, and asked, "Has anyone got a friggin' match?"

movie prices
 
 

For the first time in many years, a an old man traveled from his rural town to the city to attend a movie. After buying his ticket, he stopped at the concession stand to purchase some popcorn. Handing the attendant $1.50, he couldn't help but comment, "The last time I came to the movies, popcorn was only 15 cents."

"Well, sir," the attendant replied with a grin, "You're really going to enjoy yourself. We have sound now."


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