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you know you're from michigan when...
 
 

1) You define summer as three months of bad sledding.

2) You think alkaline batteries were named for a tiger outfielder.

3) Your idea of a seven-course meal is a six-pack of beer and a bucket of smelt.

4) Owning a Japanese car was a hanging offense in your hometown.

5) You know how to play euchre.

6) The big mac is something you drive across.

7) You bake with soda and you drink pop.

8) You drive 76 on the highway and pass on the right.

9) Your Little League baseball game was snowed out.

10) You learned to drive a boat before you learned to ride a bicycle.

11) You know how to pronounce "Mackinac".

12) You occasionally cheer "Go Lions -- and take the Tigers with you."

13) The word "thumb" has a geographical rather than an anatomical definition.

14) You have ever experienced frostbite and sunburn in the same week.

15) You expect Vernors when you order ginger ale.

16) You know that Kalamazoo not only actually exists, but that it isn't very far from Hell.

17) Your favorite holiday are Christmas, Thanksgiving and the first day of deer season (for which schools are officially closed).

18) Your snowmobile and fishing boat have a big block Chevy engine.

19) At least one member in your family disowns you for the week of the Michigan vs. Michigan State football game.

20) Your year has two seasons, winter and construction.

21) You know what a millage is.

22) Travelling coast to coast means going from Port Huron to Muskegon.

23) Half the change in your pocket is Canadian.

24) You can identify an Ohio accent.

25) You show people where you grew up by pointing to your right hand.

the genie and the wannabe
 
 
A man was walking down the beach when he found a bottle. He picks up the bottle, and a genie comes out. The genie says that he will grant him one wish. “Well, I'd like to go to Hawaii. But, I'm afraid of flying and I don't like the idea of going in a boat. So, I wish there was a bridge from here to Hawaii,” says the man.
“That's impossible!” says the genie, “You'll have to make another wish.”
“Ok, I want to know how to be a sucessful internet executive.” says the man.
“How many lanes do you want on that bridge? asks the genie.
the other side
 
 
Once upon a time, there was a river. The Nile River, to be exact. On one side of the river lived the rabbit, and on the other side lived the bear. One fine day, the bear was sitting on a stump, enjoying his breakfest of berries. Then he heard someone yelling at him. It was the rabbit.

'Hey! Hey, Teddy, get your butt over here. I've got something to show you!'

'Not now! I'm eating.'

'Oh come on!' said the rabbit. 'It's really important.'

'No way.'

'Please. It's urgent.'

So the bear decided to go all the way over the wide river. It took him all day and all night to get over to the other side. He nearly drowned. And when he finally got there he was groaning and panting, and wheezing for air.

'Well, rabbit,' he panted. 'What did you want to tell me?'

'Hey, Teddy,' the rabbit began, 'look how many berries are on the other side of the river.'

talking parrot
 
 
This hous wife got tired of being alone everyday since her husband was at work and her 3 daughters were in school, so she decided to get a pet to keep her company. She walks into the local pet store and tells him that she wants a talking parrot. The clerk tells her that they do have 1 talking parrot, but that she wouldn't like him.

'Why not? ' She asks.

'Well, he has been around a bit and has picked up some colorful language, and you did say that you have a family,' he replied.

'Well, my girls are old enough and they've heard it all. Just let me see him.'

The clerk finally agrees to show the lady the parrot and she insists on purchasing it right away. When she got home she covered the cage with a towel and went to get dinner ready for the family.

When she uncovered the cage, 'Brawkk!' said the parrot, looking around. 'New place. New Madam. Morning Madam.'

'Uh, morning parrot,' she said and then went to make breakfast. A few minutes later her daughters game down stairs, dressed and ready for school.

'Brawkk! New place. New Madam. New Girls. Morning Girls.'

'Morning Parrot,' they replied and went to help their mother get breakfast ready. Soon the man of the house came down unshaven and in his bathrobe.

'Brawkk! New place. New Madam. New Girls. Same old customers. Morning Phil!'


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