Whatever jokes

Jokes » whatever » jokes 270


magic puddle
One day, a policeman walked by and saw a drunk man sitting in a puddle.
"Hey, are you drunk?" asked the policeman.

"No! I'm just resting!" said the drunk man in a lazy voice.

"Oh, is that so? Well, if your not drunk, what time is it?"

The drunk man raised his arm, as if to point at something, and raised the other arm to cross the first arm over and said, "It's 12:43!"

"Amazing!" said the policeman. "How did you do that?"

"Hee hee, magic!" he said in a drunk voice. The policeman was puzzled and asked the drunk man again how he did it.

"Oh ok! Don't push me!" he said. "I'll tell you how I did it only if you sit with me in this puddle."

" What? No, I'm not sitting in that puddle." said the policeman.

" OK, then you will not learn my secret."

So the policeman stepped in the puddle, and sat down near the drunk man. "OK, I'm in the puddle, now tell me

"Well, turn to face that way, and look at that very large building," He pointed, " Do you see it?"

"Ya I see it, so what?" Said the policeman.
"Well, then I bet that you see that the building is Big Ben."

it's awful scary in these woods, mister!
"It's awful scary in these woods, mister!"

"You're telling me, I have to walk out of them by myself!"

three nuns die and go to heaven....
Three nuns die and go to heaven where they are met by St Peter at the pearly gates. St Pete says "Ladies, you all led such wonderful lives, that I'm granting you six months to go back to Earth and be anyone you want".

The first nun says "I want to be Bo Derek," and POOF she's gone.

The second says "I want to be Madonna," and POOF she's gone.

The third says "I want to be Virginia Pepalini.".

St Peter looks perplexed. "Who?" he says.

"Virginia Pepalini" replies the nun.

St Peter shakes his head and says "I'm sorry, that name just doesn't ring a bell.

The nun then takes a newspaper out of her habit and hands it to St Peter. He reads the paper and starts laughing.

He hands it back to her and says "No Sister, this says the Virginia Pipeline was laid by 500 men in 7 days!".

painful bar joke
A guy walks into a bar, and sustains a mild concussion.

Page 271 of 497     «« Previous | Next »»