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constipated accountant
Did you hear about the constipated accountant?

He couldn't budget so he had to work it out with a pencil and paper.

two of these things belong together
What's the odd one out? 1) A lobster 2) a whale 3) a guy that's been hit by a bus?

The whale -- the other two are both crustaceans.

helen keller driving
Why can't Helen Keller drive?

Because she's a woman.
you can ring my bell, ring my bell
One upon a time there was a town with a new church steeple with a bell that wouldn't ring. People came from miles around to try it. One day a small fellow came up to the priest and said, “I can do it.”

The priest said, “Okay, try it.”

The little fellow went to the steeple, took three steps back, and ran into the bell with his face. BONG!! The bell rang and he was hired.

One windy day as he took his three steps back to ring the bell, and the wind moved the bell. The little fellow missed the bell and fell out of the steeple. He landed in the middle of the plaza where people gathered to see what happened.

The priest came through the crowd and asked, “Does anyone know this fellow's name?”

Someone in the crowd replied, “I don't know his name, but his face rings a bell!”

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