Whatever jokes

Jokes » whatever » humor 81

Whatever


two of these things belong together
 
 
What's the odd one out? 1) A lobster 2) a whale 3) a guy that's been hit by a bus?

The whale -- the other two are both crustaceans.

survivor for alabamans
 
 
With the overwhelming response to the CBS hit "Survivor", Alabamans have made their own version.

Contestants are given pink car to drive from Dothan, to Birmingham, on to Decatur, and back to Dothan. On each car is a bumper sticker that says, "I'm gay, I'm a yankee, and I'm here to steal your guns!" First one back wins.

how to annoy people in restaurants part ii
 
 
you repeatedly with your fork. If they try to retaliate, curl into a ball and start crying for your mother.

2. This only works if the person has their back to you. Select a single strand of hair from the person's head and pull gently. When they reach up to touch their hair or try to turn around, look at the ceiling or pretend to read the menu. Repeat constantly.

3. Tap your fingernails on the table top, ignoring any evil stares that come your way. (This works anywhere, not just restaurants.)

4. Hug yourself and rock backwards and forwards in your seat whilst muttering incoherantly. This will not only completely embarrass those at your table, it is also extremely annoying.

5. Help yourself to other people's meals. If they complain, pretend to stick your fingers down your throat and ask them if they'd like their food back.

2 canadian guys
 
 
Two Canadian guys, Mike and Rob were on the roof, laying tile, when a sudden gust of wind came and knocked down their ladder.

"I have an idea," said Mike. "We'll throw you down, and then you can pick up the ladder."

"What, do you think I'm stupid? I have an idea. I'll shine my flashlight, and you can climb down on the beam of light."

"What, do you think I'm stupid? You'll just turn off the flashlight when I'm halfway there."


Page 82 of 497     «« Previous | Next »»