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how to annoy people in restaurants part ii
 
 
you repeatedly with your fork. If they try to retaliate, curl into a ball and start crying for your mother.

2. This only works if the person has their back to you. Select a single strand of hair from the person's head and pull gently. When they reach up to touch their hair or try to turn around, look at the ceiling or pretend to read the menu. Repeat constantly.

3. Tap your fingernails on the table top, ignoring any evil stares that come your way. (This works anywhere, not just restaurants.)

4. Hug yourself and rock backwards and forwards in your seat whilst muttering incoherantly. This will not only completely embarrass those at your table, it is also extremely annoying.

5. Help yourself to other people's meals. If they complain, pretend to stick your fingers down your throat and ask them if they'd like their food back.

tough love
 
 
A dying man smells his favorite oatmeal raisin cookies cooking downstairs. It takes all the strength he has left but he gets up from the bed and crawls down the stairs. He sees the cookies cooling on the counter and staggers over to them. As he reaches for one, his wife's wrinkled hand reaches out, smacks his and she yells:

"No, you can't have those! They're for the funeral!"

grosser than gross kiss
 
 
What's grosser than gross?

Kissing your grandmother hello and her tounge slips in!

it's sohotta in the sahara
 
 
There were these 3 criminals who had just robbed a bank in Egypt. They were caught, convicted, and sentenced to exile in the Sahara Desert and they could each take only one thing. When they met in the desert they each were telling what they had brought.
"I brought a loaf of bread, so when I get hungry, I'll have something to eat," said the first criminal.
"I brought a water skin, so that when I get thirsty, I'll have something to drink," said the second.
"I brought a car door, so that when it gets hot I can roll down the window."

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