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military heaven
3 men die and go to heaven. One's a marine, one's a Navy seal, and the last is an army ranger. At the pearly gates, Saint Peter is unsure if he was going to let them in due to their philandering and boorish ways.

He decides to let them in, but gives a strict warning not to have impure thoughts or they will lose their wings and burn in hell. All 3 men walk in, and as a test Saint Peter sends a beautiful blonde angel walking in front of all 3 men.

As the blonde angel bends over and grabs her ankles, the navy seal and the marine lose their wings. As they bent over to pick up their wings, the ranger lost his.

big ten alumni mountain climbing trip
Four college alumni were climbing a mountain one day. Each was from a different Big Ten school and each proclaimed to be the most loyal of all fans at their alma mater.

As they climbed higher, they argued as to which one of them was the most loyal of all. They continued to argue all the way up the mountain, and finally as they reached the top, the Boilermaker hurled himself off the mountain, shouting, "This is for Purdue!" as he fell to his doom.

Not wanting to be out done, the Wildcat threw himself off the mountain proclaiming, "This is for Northwestern!"

Seeing this, the Buckeye walked over and shouted, "This is for everyone!!!" and pushed the Wolverine off the side of the mountain.

never been kissed
One day a man is walking along the beach and sees a quadriplegic girl on the boardwalk, sitting in her wheelchair and crying. He decides to be a good samaritan and asks her what's wrong. She replies sadly, "I've never been hugged."

So he hugs the girl, which seems to cheer her up and he continues on his way.

The next day he sees the girl again, still sitting on the boardwalk and crying, so he asks her what's wrong and she replies, "I've never been kissed."

So, he kisses the girl dutifully and goes on his way.

The following day, he passes her again, and once again, she's crying and he asks her what's wrong. She replies, "I've never been screwed."

So, the man wheels her down the boardwalk, pushes her off the pier and says, "Now, you're screweed!"

kilts are awesome
Why do scotsmen wear kilts?

Sheep can hear a zipper a mile away!

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