Whatever jokes

The U.S. Standard railroad gauge (distance between the rails) is 4 feet, 8.5 inches. That's an exceedingly odd number. Why was that gauge used? Because that's the way they built them in England, and the U.S. railroads were built by English expatriates.

Why did the English people build them like that? Because the first rail lines were built by the same people who built the pre-railroad tramways, and that's the gauge they used.

Why did 'they' use that gauge then? Because the people who built the tramways used the same jigs and tools that they used for building wagons, which used that wheel spacing.

Okay! Why did the wagons use that odd wheel spacing? Well, if they tried to use any other spacing the wagons would break on some of the old, long distance roads, because that's the spacing of the old wheel ruts.

So who built these old rutted roads? The first long distance roads in Europe were built by Imperial Rome for the benefit of their legions. The roads have been used ever since. And the ruts? The initial ruts, which everyone else had to match for fear of destroying their wagons, were first made by Roman war chariots. Since the chariots were made for or by Imperial Rome they were all alike in the matter of wheel spacing.

Thus, we have the answer to the original questions. The United States standard railroad gauge of 4 feet, 8.5 inches derives from the original specification (Military Spec) for an Imperial Roman army war chariot. Military specs and bureaucracies live forever. So, the next time you are handed a specification and wonder what horse's ass came up with it, you may be exactly right. Because the Imperial Roman chariots were made to be just wide enough to accommodate the back-ends of two war horses.

The doctor was walking around checking by his patients when he saw a man putting a cat into the washing machine then said to the man, 'Are you crazy? The cat's going to die!' The man said, 'Don't you worry about her Doc, I wash this cat everyday.' So the doctor shook his head and kept on walking, but ten minutes later the doctor came back and the cat was dead! So he said to the man angrily, 'Didn't I tell you you'd kill the cat?' The man said, 'Doc, the cat didn't die because I washed her, the cat died because I ironed her.'

What do vampires sing on New Year's Eve?

Auld Fang Syne!

HA HA HA HA HA HA!

What did the hat say to the tie?

"You hang around here...I'll go on a head."