Whatever jokes

A boy was meeting his girlfriend's parents for the first time for dinner. After dinner, his girlfriend and her mother left the room to do the dishes, leaving him with the father and the dog Duke, who was sitting underneath the boy's chair. Unfortunately, it was a large dinner and he really had to fart. He stealthily let out a quiet, but audible, fart.

"Duke!" the dad yelled.

"This is great!" the boy thought. "He thinks the dog is farting!" So he let out another one.

"Duke!" the father barked. The boy thought he was homefree so he let everything out at once in a really loud and smelly fart.

"Duke! Get out of there before the boy sh*ts on you!"

It has long been rumored that W. R. Grace Co. was considering buying the Fuller Brush Co. along with Mary Kay Cosmetics and then merge with the Hale Business Systems.  This mega-corporate entity could be known as Hale Mary Fuller Grace.

    Failed merger:  Yahoo and Netscape. Net 'n Yahoo didn't work out because they would have to relocate the headquarters located in Tel Aviv.

    Proposed merger:   Fairchild Electronics and Honeywell Computers, to be called Fairwell Honeychild.

    Rumored merger:   Wurlitzer with Xerox.  They are going to market reproductive organs.

    Possible merger:   Warner Brothers, Polygraph Records and Keebler -- to be called... Poly-Warner-Cracker.

    3M and Goodyear merger:   mmmGood

    John Deere and Abitibi-Price: Deere Abi

    Zippo Manufacturing, Audi, Dofasco and Dakota Mining: Dip Audi Do Da

    Swissair and Cheseborough-Ponds: Swisschese

    Honeywell, Imasco and Home Oil: Honey, I'm Home

    Luvs Diapers and Hertz Rent-a-Car: Luv Herts

    Upjohn and Chuckie Cheese Pizza: UpChuck

    White Castle Burgers and Glad Trash Bags: White Trash Bags

There was this pot-head walking down a road when a genie appeared in front of him and said, "I'll grant you two wishes. What is your first wish?" asked the genie. The pot-head replied, "I want a never ending joint. The genie goes, "As you wish," and gave him the joint. The pot-head took a long drag and said, "Cool. I want another one!"

A keen country lad applied for a salesman's job at a city department store. In fact it was the biggest store in the world - you could get anything there. The boss asked him, "Have you ever been a salesman before?"

Yes, I was a salesman in the country" said the lad. The boss liked the cut of him and said, "You can start tomorrow and I'll come and see you when we close up."

The day was long and arduous for the young man, but finally 5 o'clock came around. The boss duly fronted up and asked, "How many sales did you make today?"

"One," said the young salesman.

"Only one?" blurted the boss, "most of my staff make 20 or 30 sales a day. How much was the sale worth?"

"Three hundred thousand dollars," said the young man.

"How did you manage that?" asked the flabbergasted boss.

"Well," said the salesman "this man came in and I sold him a small fish hook, then a medium hook and finally a really large hook. Then I sold him a small fishing line, a medium one and a huge big one. I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast.

I said he would probably need a boat, so I took him down to the boat department and sold him that twenty foot schooner with the twin engines. Then he said his Volkswagen probably wouldn't be able to pull it, so I took him to the car department and sold him the new Deluxe Cruiser."

The boss took two steps back and asked in astonishment, "You sold all that to a guy who came in for a fish hook?"

"No," answered the salesman "He came in to buy a box of Tampons for his wife and I said to him, 'Your weekend's shot, you may as well go fishing.'"