Whatever jokes

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shoplifting
 
 
A man walks into a music store and wants to buy a good, old-fashioned vinyl record. He gets the record and is ready to check out when he discovers that he forgot his wallet. Instead of going out and getting his wallet, he decides to steal the record. So he sticks it down his pants.

Of course, the cashier spots him on the way out and says, "Hey! Is that a record in your pants?"

The man replies, "Well, it may not be a record but I haven't heard any complaints."

english jesus
 
 
Why wasn't Jesus born in Essex, England?

Because they couldn't find three wise men and a virgin!

70's cookie band?
 
 
What do you call a 70's cookie band?
OREO Speedwagon!
traffic lights
 
 
Why does a red light turn red?

If you had to change in front of everyone you'd turn red, too.

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