Whatever jokes

1. How many trarlokks does it take to trokkclap a freeloo? Only as many as will fit in its Raptonian estadok! 2. I once went on a ritual breeding excursion with Tragshod the sixty-headed female from the Krogter system. Let's just say she still did not possess the correct number of heads needed to properly satisfy my frellclot! 3. Anyone here from the Urgassk galaxy? Then I will communicate at a pace slower than normal! 4. What's the deal with that Earthly program known as The Brady Bunch? I haven't seen such excessive breeding since my quest to Tonokk III during the Rithwoshian phase of its many moons! 5. What if Earthling Jack Nickelson and High Chancellor Thrawng of Gortuse had a child? I believe the offspring would resemble the mimicry which I shall now attempt. "You cannot handle the truth, and by the power of the Gortusian army, I challenge you to handle it before our fifth moon returns, or forever become a slave in the flertonian mines of Ambrod VI!" 6. I once witnessed the two beings from which I sprang engage in the sexual reproduction ritual of Krogter. I will never be at peace again while visiting the Krogter galaxy! Am I correct in that assumption, sentient beings? 7. What is the source of these dissimilarities between the male and female of the species? It seems that the female is one of audible annoyance to the male and the male is content only with viewing matches of competitive sport in a languorous state, which seems to be the source of some frustration to the female. That is factual information, is it not? 8. On the topic of beings in power, what is the ultimate motivation of Grand Emperor Ishrock? It seems he has no regard for the welfare of the common Ragtorian, but his voluminous lust for Ragtorian ale is matched by no creature! 9. The various races of the Earth are peculiar and differentiated in their skill levels, correct? The paler skinned mammals seem novice in regards to the topic of ‘basket and ball' activities, while the darker skinned of the same species seem most dominate such activities as well as feature a greater sexual organ than their paler mammalian counterparts! 10. Sentient beings are not consuming wisely these solar cycles, am I correct, air breathers? I once viewed a Kreblorian so encumbered by his own mass that officials were required to extricate him from the living quarters utilizing a lubricous gelatin, which he later consumed during the mastication process. 11. I recently voyaged to a region of Earth known as Florida. Is it simply Zoltrog, or is that region of the planet far more biologically aged than the surrounding hospitable environments? 12. My relationship ritual was imbalanced last solar cycle. Though I funded the consumption of our much needed nourishment, the female did not reward my contribution with mating. 13. What is this about the males and females of your species engaging in the partnering tradition with others of similar genitalia? Heed the warning of one heterosexual creature who has engaged in the partnering tradition, homosexuals of Earth. Do not burden yourselves, am I right fellow heterosexually mated creatures?

It's the spring of 1957 and Bobby, a pretty hip guy with his own car, goes to pick up his date. When he goes to the front door, the girl's father answers and invites him in. “Carrie's not ready yet, so why don't you have a seat?” he says. “That's cool,” says Bobby.
Carrie's father asks Bobby what they're planning to do. Bobby replies politely that they will probably just go to the soda shop or a movie. Carrie's father responds, “Why don't you two go out and screw? I hear all the kids are doing it.” Naturally, this comes as quite a surprise to Bobby, so he asks Carrie's dad to repeat it. “Oh yeah,' says Carrie's father, 'our Carrie really loves to screw. She'd screw all night if we'd let her!”
Well, this makes Bobby's eyes light up, and his plan for the evening is beginning to look pretty good. A few minutes later, Carrie comes downstairs in her little poodle skirt and announces that she's ready to go. Almost breathless with anticipation, Bobby escorts his date out the front door.
About 20 minutes later, Carrie rushes back into the house, slams the door behind her and screams at her father: “Damn it, Daddy! It's called the twist!”

What is the difference between a priest and a homosexual?

The way they say ahhhh-men.

A man goes to his doctor and says, 'Doctor, Doctor, please help me! I've got a problem.' The doctor examines the man and finds the man has a red ring around his penis. The doctor gives him an ointment to rub on the problem area.

'It's all cleared up!' the man reports when he returns. 'But what was that medication you gave me?'

'Lipstick remover.'