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the day after thanksgiving
It was the day after Thanksgiving and all thru the house
No one was stirring not even my spouse.
With credit cards all in a neat little row
In the order of all the places I'd go
With cash in my pocket, the keys in my hand,
I grabbed all the cards and out the door I ran.

Out to the garage and into my car,
The gas gauge on empty I wouldn't get far.
I rush to the gas station to fill up with gas.
Thank God for credit cards; I was out in a flash.

On K-mart, on Target, on Kohls and more.
On Pennys, on Sears, must hit every store.
I rush in the stores with a twinkle in my eye
Thinking of all the things i could buy.

By now my credit cards were getting quite warm
But into the next store I quickly did storm.
Buying up everything within my sight
Grabbing that doll and starting a fight.
Without that doll in my hand
Out on the sidewalk I did land.
As I walked away and looked in the store
I was plum tuckered out and couldn't shop anymore.

With gifts in the car all stacked up high
I drive by the stores and the merchants wave 'bye'.
With presents stacked way up to the ceiling
my spouse was ranting, raving and squealing.
We're broke he said cuz of all your spending
Thank God this day is finally ending.
With presnts to wrap and scotch tape to find
I knew this job was gonna be all mine.

The day finally ended and i was struck with great fear
Thinking of how I'd do it all over next year.
escaped midget!
What do you call a psychic midget who just escaped from jail?

A small medium at large!
pizza, pizza
A guy ordered a pizza, and Luigi behind the counter asked him if he wanted his pizza in 4 slices or 8.
"Better make it four, 'cause I really can't finish 8 slices."
potato in the pants
James was on the beach, and could not understand why Bob had attracted all the girls, while he had no luck. So he asked Rich "why do you get all the girls and I get nothing?"

Bob replied "take a potato and tuck it in your swimming trunks. It drives the women wild!"

So James stuffed a potato in his suit and paraded up and down the beach. Several hours later, he still had no woman.

James went to see Bob again and said "I've tried the potato and it doesn't work!"

Bob looked at James and asked, "have you tried putting the potato in the front?"

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