Whatever jokes

Jokes » whatever » jokes 461

Whatever


little green balls
 
 
What do you have when you have two green balls in your hand?

Kermit's undivided attention.

a fence bid
 
 
Three contractors were visiting a tourist attraction on the same day. One was from New York, another from Texas, and the third from Florida. At the end of the tour, the guard asked them what they did for a living. When they all replied that they were contractors the guard said, 'Hey, we need one of the rear fences redone. Why don't you guys take a look at it and give me a bid?' So to the back fence they all went.
First to step up was the Florida contractor. He took out his tape measure and pencil, did some measuring and said, 'Well I figure the job will run about $900. $400 for materials, $400 for my crew, and $100 profit for me.'
Next was the Texas contractor. He also took out his tape measure and pencil, did some quick figuring and said, 'Looks like I can do this job for $700. $300 for materials, $300 for my crew, and $100 profit for me.'
Without so much as moving, the New York contractor said, '$2,700.'
The guard, incredulous, looked at him and said, 'You didn't even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?'
'Easy,' he said. '$1,000 for me, $1,000 for you, and we hire the guy from Texas.'
dinner's ready!
 
 
Two cannibals are eating dinner and one says, "I hate my mother-in-law."

The other replies, "Well, just eat your noodles, then."

heading for trouble
 
 
A guy and his son go into a bar. The son is a miracle of nature and is just a head. The man asks the bartender for two shots. The man takes one shot and gives the other one to his son. The son swallows down the drink and out pops an arm.

The man thought, "Hey this is good."

So he asks for two more shots. He drinks one and gives the other to his son again, and out pops another arm.

The man the asks for a double and gives it to his son. The son throws it down and suddenly explodes.

The bartender looks over at the man and says, "Looks like he should have quit while he was ahead."


Page 462 of 497     «« Previous | Next »»