Whatever jokes

After 3 years, Andy was recognized as one of the best carpenters in the local area. Often he would be given a weekend pass to do odd jobs for the citizens of the community, and he always reported back to prison before Sunday night was over.

The warden was thinking of remodeling his kitchen and in fact had done much of the work himself. But he lacked the skills to build a set of kitchen cupboards and a large counter top which he had promised his wife. So he called Andy into his office and asked him to complete the job for him. But, alas, Andy refused. He told the warden, 'Gosh, I'd really like to help you but counter fitting is what got me into prison in the first place.'

'I'm at the end of my tether doctor, is there anything you can suggest I do?'

So the doctor examines him and after some prodding and tutting finally suggests that he should spend six months in hospital, with his jaws wired shut.

'Well, OK doctor, it sounds drastic, but I guess that's what I need.'

Anyway, six months go by and the dude comes out of hospital, thin as a rake. He goes round to the doctor's to thank him.

'There's only one problem doctor, you see I was so fat beforehand, that my skin has stretched and stayed that long. Is there anything you can give me?'

'Hmm, short of pretty comprehensive plastic surgery, there is only one alternative. Take your clothes off a moment.'

So the dude strips down. Then, squeezing it all upwards, the doctor ties it in a ball above his head.

'That's all well and good, doc', the dude said, 'but my navel is now in the middle of my forehead.'

The doctor replies, 'Yes, but you should see what you have got for a collar and tie!'

Because the jar says 'twist to open.'