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"Huh," said the old man, hugging her. "For the amount I paid, they could've at least ironed the damn thing."
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"Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."
Watson replies, "I see millions of stars."
"What does that tell you?"
Watson ponders for a minute. "Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Timewise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?"
Holmes is silent for a moment, then speaks. "Watson, you idiot, someone has stolen our tent."
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- ON A KOREAN KITCHEN KNIFE:
Warning keep out of children. - ON A HAIR DRYER:
Do not use while sleeping. - ON A BAG OF FRITOS:
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. - ON A BAR OF DIAL SOAP:
Directions: Use like regular soap. - ON A FROZEN DINNER:
Serving suggestion: Defrost. - ON A HOTEL-PROVIDED SHOWER CAP:
Fits one head. - ON TESCO'S TIRAMISU DESERT:
Do not turn upside down. (Printed on the bottom of the box.) - ON MARKS & SPENCER BREAD PUDDING:
Product will be hot after heating. - ON PACKAGING FOR A ROWENTA IRON:
Do not iron clothes on body. - ON BOOTS CHILDRENS' COUGH MEDICINE:
Do not drive car or operate machinery. - ON NYTOL (A SLEEP AID):
Warning: may cause drowsiness.
- ON A STRING OF CHINESE MADE CHRISTMAS LIGHTS:
For indoor or outdoor use only. - ON A JAPANESE FOOD PROCESSOR:
Not to be used for the other use. - ON SAINSBURY'S PEANUTS:
Warning: contains nuts. - ON AN AMERICAN AIRLINES PACKET OF NUTS:
Instructions: open packet, eat nuts. - ON A SWEDISH CHAINSAW:
Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands.
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"I saw an airshow. And it was very fascinating."
"Good, but I wanted you to use the word 'fascinate,' not 'fascinating.'" She then calls on a girl sitting off to the left.
"I saw some monkeys. They were very fascinating."
"Good, but I wanted you to use the world 'fascinate,' not 'fascinating.'" Billy's hand shoots up into the air and she calls on him.
"Teacher, teacher! I got one!"
"Go ahead, Billy."
"My sister's shirt has ten buttons, but her tits are so big she can only fascinate."
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