Whatever jokes

The first nun says "I want to be Bo Derek," and POOF she's gone.

The second says "I want to be Madonna," and POOF she's gone.

The third says "I want to be Virginia Pepalini.".

St Peter looks perplexed. "Who?" he says.

"Virginia Pepalini" replies the nun.

St Peter shakes his head and says "I'm sorry, that name just doesn't ring a bell.

The nun then takes a newspaper out of her habit and hands it to St Peter. He reads the paper and starts laughing.

He hands it back to her and says "No Sister, this says the Virginia Pipeline was laid by 500 men in 7 days!".

The way they say ahhhh-men.

"As a reward for freeing me, I shall grant you three wishes," said the genie, "But understand, whatever you wish for, your most hated enemy shall receive twice over."

The man's most hated enemy happened to be his next door neighbour, Jones. "Let's see. My first wish is..." He looked at his weather beaten bungalow, "...to live in a ten story luxury mansion.' The genie clapped his hands and suddenly his minute shack transformed into the most beautiful house he had ever laid eyes on. He heard a cry of astonishment from next door and looked over to see Jones standing in the doorway of his new twenty story mansion. "Now I want fifty of the most beautiful women imaginable." said the man. There was a puff of smoke and his wish was granted. He was annoyed, however, to see Jones grinning and waving, surrounded by his own harem of 100 women, all twice as attractive.

"What is your final wish, Master?' asked the genie.

"I want to lose a testicle," said the man.

'Hello, can I help you?'

'Yes, I'm looking for a car to drive to the Vatican.'

'We have a wide selection, as you can see. As soon as you find one you like, come get me.'

So the Pope looked around and found a really nice sports car. The Pope didn't have his checkbook, so he said he would come back the next day to buy the car.

The next day he came back and the car had pieces cut out all over the place. 'What did you do to my car?!' the Pope yelled.

'I was just trying to make it holy for you.'