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got to hurt
 
 
Did you hear in the news last night, that a guy living in Florida got his finger run over by a car and died instantly?

Of course, he had his finger up his nose.
prayer for the winning
 
 
What's the difference between prayer in church and prayer in a casino?

In a casino, you really mean it!
the other side
 
 
Once upon a time, there was a river. The Nile River, to be exact. On one side of the river lived the rabbit, and on the other side lived the bear. One fine day, the bear was sitting on a stump, enjoying his breakfest of berries. Then he heard someone yelling at him. It was the rabbit.

'Hey! Hey, Teddy, get your butt over here. I've got something to show you!'

'Not now! I'm eating.'

'Oh come on!' said the rabbit. 'It's really important.'

'No way.'

'Please. It's urgent.'

So the bear decided to go all the way over the wide river. It took him all day and all night to get over to the other side. He nearly drowned. And when he finally got there he was groaning and panting, and wheezing for air.

'Well, rabbit,' he panted. 'What did you want to tell me?'

'Hey, Teddy,' the rabbit began, 'look how many berries are on the other side of the river.'

legless dog
 
 
What do you call a dog with no legs?
Doesn't matter... he won't come to you anyway!

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