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yo sister so ugly
 
 
Yo sister so ugly, I thought she was yo mama.
canadian gum
 
 
A Michigan man was having coffee and croissants with butter and jam in a diner when a Canadian man, chewing gum, sat down next to him. The Michigan man politely ignored the Canadian, who, nevertheless, started up a conversation. The Canadian snapped his gum and said, "You Michigan folk eat the whole bread?"

The Michigan man sighed, annoyed with being bothered during his breakfast, and replied, "Of course."

The Canadian blew a huge bubble. "We don't. In Canada, we only eat what's inside. The crusts we collect in a container, recycle them, transform them into croissants and sell them to Michigan." The Canadian had a smirk on his face.

The Michigan man listened in silence. The Canadian persisted. "D'ya eat jelly with the bread?"

The Michigan man rolled his eyes and replied, "Of course."

Cracking his gum between his teeth, the Canadian said, "We don't. In Canada, we eat fresh fruit for breakfast, then we put all the peels, seeds, and leftovers in containers, recycle them, transform them into jam and sell it to Michigan."

The Michigan man then asked, "Do you have sex in Canada?" The Canadian smiled and said, "Why of course we do." The Michigan leaned closer to him and asked, "And what do you do with the condoms once you've used them?"

"We throw them away, of course."

The Michigan smiled and said, "We don't. In Michigan, we put them in a container, recycle them, melt them down into chewing gum and sell them to the Canadians."

ways to let someone know their fly is open
 
 
20. The cucumber has left the salad.

19. I can see the gun of Navarone.

18. Someone tore down the wall, and your Pink Floyd is hanging out.

17. You've got Windows on your laptop.

16. Sailor Ned's trying to take a little shore leave.

15. Your soldier ain't so unknown now.

14. Quasimodo needs to go back in the tower and tend to his bells.

13. You need to bring your tray table to the upright and locked position.

12. Paging Mr. Johnson... Paging Mr. Johnson...

11. Your pod bay door is open, Hal.

10. Elvis Junior has LEFT the building!

9. Mini Me is making a break for the escape pod.

8. Ensign Hanes is reporting a hull breach on the lower deck, Sir!

7. The Buick is not all the way in the garage.

6. Dr. Kimble has escaped!

5. You've got your fly set for "Monica" instead of "Hillary."

4. Our next guest is someone who needs no introduction...

3. You've got a security breach at Los Pantalones.

2. I'm talking about Shaft, can you dig it?

1. I thought you were crazy, now I can clearly see your nuts.

girls just wanna have fun
 
 
A blonde, a red head, and a brunette were walking on the beach when they found a magic lamp. They began rubbing it and genie came out and said, "You each may have one wish." The red head thought for a while and said, "Even though blondes are stupid, they have so more fun, I wish to be blonde." and she was turned blonde. The brunette agreed, "That's true, I really want to have more fun too, even though I'll be dumber, I wish to be blonde" and she became blonde also. The blonde looks at the two other blondes and said, "I just don't think I have enough fun. I don't care if I becomer even more dumb, make me more blonde, woo!" So the genie granted her wish and made her a man.

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