Whatever jokes

A cop comes around a curve in the road and sees a bad accident.
A man and a woman are both dead from a car crash. The accident seems to have no explanation, but he looks up on the hill and sees a monkey waving his arms at him as if to say something. The cop says, "Hey, monkey, you know what happened?"

The monkey mimes drinking a bottle of some kind. "They were drinking? What else?"
The monkey mimes smoking a joint. "They were smoking dope? There must have been more. This is a very strange accident. Monkey! What else?"

The monkey mimes sexual relations. "They were screwing? This still doesn't make any sense. Hey monkey! What were you doing to know all this?"
Monkey mimes driving and looking behind him...

Confucious say, 'There are three kinds of people in the world. Those who can count. And those who can't.'

An elderly husband and wife noticed that they were beginning to forget many little things around the house. They were afraid that this could be dangerous, as one of them may accidently forget to turn off the stove and thus cause a fire. So, they decided to go see their physician to get some help. Their physician told them that many people their age find it useful to write themselves little notes as reminders. The elderly couple thought this sounded wonderful, and left the doctor's office very pleased with the advice.When they got home, the wife said, 'Dear, will you please go to the kitchen and get me a dish of ice cream? And why don't you write that down so you won't forget?' 'Nonsense,' said the husband, 'I can remember a dish of ice cream!' 'Well,' said the wife, 'I'd also like some strawberries on it. You better write that down, because I know you'll forget.' 'Don't be silly,' replied the husband. 'A dish of ice cream and some strawberries. I can remember that!' 'OK, dear, but I'd like you to put some whipped cream on top. Now you'd really better write it down now. You'll forget,' said the wife. 'Come now, my memory's not all that bad,' said the husband. 'No problem--a dish of ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream.' With that, the husband shut the kitchen door behind him. The wife could hear him getting out pots and pans, and making some noise inconsistent with his preparing a dish of ice cream, strawberries, and whipped cream. He emerged from the kitchen about 15 minutes later. Walking over to his wife, he presented her with a plate of bacon and eggs. The wife took one look at the plate, glanced up at her husband and said, 'Hey, where's the toast?'

tantly and talk and laugh with them.

3. When he/she says, "Is it hot out?" Look puzzled and put on your winter jacket.

4. Pick up the phone even when it is not ringing.

5. Stare at the mirror and start laughing at it. Hey, laugh really hard ok?

6.Talk to the goldfish about fat cats lurking around. Then laugh aloud, happy that you have scared it.

7. Pretend to be angry and bang the table hard AND loud. Later apologise for the hurt and grief caused to the table. Be sincere and write a letter of apology to the table.

8. Ask him/her the time constantly. Every 5 minutes. All night too.

9. Roll around the room and behave like a cat. Lick yourself and scratch the floor. Play with a ball of yarn and eat only fish. Meow loudly at him/her when he/she talks to you.

10. Buy underpants for him/her and say, "Now we can share!"