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big trouble
 
 
A 6'4' ninth grader was acting up in class.

His teacher looked at him and said, 'Act your age, not your shoe size'.

The boy looks down at his size 14 shoes, then says, 'But they're the same.'

what do you need so much milk for ma'am?
 
 
A milkman was delivering on his round when he came to an order which said, "45 pints of milk."

Puzzled, the milkman decided to ask the person weather or not he/she had made a mistake. When he knocked on the door, a woman came out with just a bath towel around her.

The milkman asked her if she had made a mistake but sure enough she wanted 45 pints. "Milk baths are good for your skin," explained the woman.

"Oh, okay," said the milkman. "Do you want it pasturised then?"

"No," said the woman. "Up to my tits will be fine."

name those tracks
 
 
Two gorgeous blonde biologists were in the field one fine summer day. While following a game trail, they came across a pair of tracks. "Look! a pair of tracks" The first blonde said while pointing to the ground.

"Those are deer tracks," the other blonde replied.

"Oh no,"she said to the first, "Those are definitely moose tracks."
With this, they began to argue. In fact, they were still arguing when the train hit them.

closer to god
 
 
A 70-year-old man went to the doctor's for a physical. The doctor ran some tests and said to the man, "Well, everything seems to be in top condition physically, but what about mentally? How is your connection with God?"

And the man answered, "Oh me and God? We have a really tight bond, he's so good to me. Every night when I have to get up to go to the bathroom, he turns on the light for me, and then, when I leave, he turns it back off."

The Doctor was astonished. He called the man's wife and said, "I'd like to speak to you about your husband's connection with God. He claims that every night when he needs to use the restroom, God turns on the light for him and turns it off for him again when he leaves. Is this true?"

And she said, "That idiot, he's been peeing in the refrigerator!"


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