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The first man was deaf and God asked him, 'Can I help you, son?' The man started signing in sign language that he would be so happy if only he could hear. So God touched the man and suddenly he could hear.
God then asked the second man, who was blind, 'What can I do for you, my son?'
The second man said, 'Oh God, if I could only see I would be so happy.' So God touched him and the man was able to see.
Meanwhile, the third man was sitting in his wheelchair with his mouth wide open in amazement. God looked at the man and asked him what he wanted.
The man stepped back and yelled, 'Don't lay one finger on me, God, I am on total disability!'
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1. Life is sexually transmitted.
2. Two wrongs don't make a right, but two Wrights made an airplane.
3. It's not the pace of life that concerns me, it's the sudden stop at the end.
4. The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
5. It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.
6. Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun.
7. The only time the world beats a path to your door is if you're in the bathroom.
8. If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them on my knees.
9. Never knock on Death's door; ring the doorbell and run (he hates that).
10. When you're finally holding all the cards, why does everyone else decide to play chess?
11. If you're living on the edge, make sure you wear your seat belt.
12. The mind is like a parachute; it works much better when it's open.
13. There are two kinds of pedestrians... the quick and the dead.
14. An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.
15. A closed mouth gathers no feet.
16. Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
17. It's not hard to meet expenses...they're everywhere.
18. Jury: Twelve people who determine which client has the better attorney.
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The moral of the story is this: People who live in grass houses should not stow thrones.'
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