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There were three men standing at the Pearly Gates of Heaven when Saint Peter met them and asked, 'What would each of you like to hear your relatives or friends say at your funeral?'

The first man answered, 'I am a renowned doctor and I would love to hear someone say how I had been instrumental in saving someone's life.'

The second man replied, 'I am a family man and a school teacher. I would like to hear someone say what a great husband and father I was and that I had made a difference in some young person's life.'

The third man said, 'Wow guys, those are really great sentiments but I guess if I had my choice I would rather hear someone say, 'LOOK!!! HE'S MOVING!!!'

non profit atheism
Q: Why is atheism a non-profit religion?

A: They have no prophets!
donut and loaf of bread
What did the donut say to the loaf of bread?

If I had that much dough, I wouldn't be hanging around this hole.
bloody mary
What's grosser than gross?

A bloody mary with curly, brittle hairs in it!

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