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three preachers
 
 
There were three preachers: a Catholic, a Baptist, and a rabbi. They are all fishing out in the lake when all of a sudden the Baptist has to go to the bathroom. So he gets up and walks across the water, does his business, and comes back. Then all of a sudden the rabbi has to go, so he gets up and walks across the water, does his business, and comes back.

Then the Catholic has to go, but when he gets out he falls into the water, so he swims back, gets back into the boat, looks up, and says, 'God, let me walk across the water.' Then he tries again and falls into the water, so he swims back, tries again and he falls again.

The Baptist leans over to the rabbi and says, 'Do you think we should tell him where the stepping stones are?'

the tomato seller!
 
 
A man from another country came to the U.S. and learned three phrases.
1.Only fifty cents
2. Very, very fresh
3. Not today, maybe tomorrow.

A lady came to his tomato stand and said 'how much are these tomatos?' The man said 'Only fifty cents'. Than she asked 'are they fresh?' The man said 'Very, very fresh'. She then asked, 'Can I buy one?' The man said, 'Not today maybe tomorrow.'

A thief comes and said 'I'm a thief how much money do you have?' The Tomato Seller said, 'Only fifty cents'. The thief said, 'Are you being fresh with me?' The Tomato seller said 'Very, very fresh'. The thief said 'Alright, that's it. I'm going to shoot you.' The Tomato Seller said 'Not today maybe tomorrow!"

The moral to this story is: If you go to a foreign country, learn as much of the language as possible!'

english jesus
 
 
Why wasn't Jesus born in Essex, England?

Because they couldn't find three wise men and a virgin!

traffic lights
 
 
Why does a red light turn red?

If you had to change in front of everyone you'd turn red, too.

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