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stupid stoners
 
 
How many stoners does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Zero, the only way a stoner would get off his lazy a$$ and change a light bulb is if he thought he hid his stash in the socket.

amish jobs
 
 
Q. What do you call an Amish guy with his hand up a horse's ass?

A. A mechanic!

why hanukkah is better than christmas
 
 
1. There's no "Donny & Marie Hanukkah Special" 2. Eight days of presents (in theory, anyway). 3. No need to clean the chimney. 4. There's no latke-nog. 5. Burl Ives doesn't sing Hanukkah songs. 6. You won't be pressured to buy Hanukkah Seals. 7. You won't see, "You're a Putz, Charlie Brown". 8. No barking dog version of "I had a Little Driedl". 9. No pine needles to vacuum up afterwards. 10. Blintzes are cheaper to mail than fruitcakes.
mafia christmas
 
 
A mafioso's son sits at his desk writing a Christmas list to Jesus. He first writes, "Dear baby Jesus, I have been a good boy the whole year, so I want a new..." He looks at it, then crumples it up into a ball and throws it away.

He gets out a new piece of paper and writes again, "Dear baby Jesus, I have been a good boy for most of the year, so I want a new..." He again looks at it with disgust and throws it away.

He then gets an idea. He goes into his mother's room, takes a statue of the Virgin Mary, puts it in the closet, and locks the door. He takes another piece of paper and writes, "Dear baby Jesus. If you ever want to see your mother again..."


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