Whatever jokes

"What are you going to do with the prize money?" the officer asked.

The man responded, "I guess I'll go to driving school and get my license."

At that moment, his wife, who was seated next to him, chimed in, "Officer, don't listen to him. He's a smart aleck when he's drunk."

This woke up the guy in the back seat, who, when he saw the cop, blurted out, "I knew we wouldn't get far in this stolen car."

At that moment, there was a knock from the trunk and a voice asked, "Are we over the border yet?"

"I wouldn't know what to say," replied the little girl, shyly.

"Just say what you hear Mommy say, sweetie," the woman said.

Her daughter took a deep breath, bowed her head, and solemnly said, "Dear Lord, why the hell did I invite all these people to dinner!?!"

One of the babies stuck his head out and saw what was going on. So he stuck his head back in and told his brother. After hearing what was going to happen the second brother said, "Let's go out the back way."

My husband is a liar and a cheat. He has cheated on me from the beginning. When I confront him, he denies everything. What's worse is everyone knows he cheats on me. It is so humiliating!

Also, since he lost his job two years ago, he hasn't even looked for a new one. All he does is sit around the living room in his underwear and watch TV while I work to pay the bills.

And since our daughter went away to college he doesn't even pretend to like me. He keeps calling me a lesbian.

What should I do?

Signed, Clueless

Dear Clueless:

Dump him. You're a New York Senator now. You don't need him anymore.

Abby