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got a cold knock knock
 
 
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Hatch.
Hatch who?
Bless you. Knock, knock…
asian lady
 
 
There was an Asian lady who married an English gentleman and moved to London. The poor lady was not very proficient in English, but anyhow managed to communicate with her husband. The real problem arose whenever she had to shop for groceries.

One day, she went to the butcher and wanted to buy pork legs. She didn't know how to put forward her request, and in desperation, lifted up her skirt to show her thighs. The butcher got the message and the lady went home with pork legs.

The next day, she needed to get chicken breasts. Again, she didn't know how to say, and so unbuttoned her blouse to show the butcher her breast. The lady got what she wanted.

The third day, the poor lady needed to buy sausages. So she brought her husband to the store...because he spoke English.

15 ways to be annoying
 
 
1) Spend all day at a fast food restaurant, seeing how long it will take until your free refills cost money.
2) If paged, wait until midnight to answer the call.
3) Construct an elaborate display of ropes in your backyard and tell your neighbors that you're a 'spider person.'
4) When attending a movie you've already seen, yell out: 'Don't let him in! He's the killer!'
5. When buying a goldfish at a pet store, ask the salesperson how often you should walk it.
6) When in a crowded elevator, say loudly: 'I hope I fixed it this time.'
7) Beep when a large person backs up.
8) Look around suspiciously in public and tell onlookers about the 'little men.'
9) Insist on making inanimate objects 'dance'
10) Occasionally talk into your hand in public.
11) Carry a duffel bag onto an elevator, wait until it's full, then ask if anyone knows how to disarm a bomb in less than 19 seconds.
12) When stopped at a traffic light during rush hour, claw desperately at the roof of the car.
13) Insist that someone accompany you to the public rest room because of Henry, the toilet monster.
14) While carpooling, make swervy turns while imitating crash noises.
15) Insist that life is 'one big musical,' then try to prove your theory by randomly breaking out into song in public.
you're so ugly... mistletoe
 
 
You're so ugly, at Christmas, we hang you up and kiss the mistletoe.

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