Whatever jokes

"I'm on the road a lot, and my clients are complaining that they can never reach me."

Psychiatrist: "Don't you have a phone in your car?"

Blonde: "That was a little too expensive, so I did the next best thing. I put a mailbox in my car."

Psychiatrist: "Uh ... How's that working?"

Blonde: "Actually, I haven't gotten any letters yet."

Psychiatrist: "And why do you think that is?"

Blonde: "I figure it's because when I'm driving around, my zip code keeps changing."

Someday my prints will come...

While he waits, he grabs a handful of peanuts from the bowl on the counter, and as he starts to chew, he hears a voice say, "That's a beautiful tie, is that silk? Very NICE choice!"

Wondering who made the comment, he looks around and doesn't see anyone nearby who could be speaking to him. With a shrug, he pops a few more peanuts into his mouth.

Next he hears the voice say, "Those shoes are stylin', my man. Are they Italian leather? They look GRRREAT!"

He whirls around to again but sees no one near him. He glances nervously around and then at his shoes, which he tucks self-consciously under the stool.

A little freaked out, he grabs another handful of peanuts. This time the voice continues with, "That suit looks FANTASTIC! Is it an Armani? Very nice!"

He immediately calls the waiter over and says, "Look. I keep hearing these voices telling me how great my tie, my shoes, and my suit look - what's up with that? Am I GOING CRAZY??"

"Oh," the waiter nonchalantly replies. "It's just the peanuts."

"The PEANUTS?!?" the astonished man asks, staring at the bowl beside him.

"Yes," replies the waiter, "…they're complimentary."