Whatever jokes

Jokes » whatever » jokes 212

Whatever


after the honeymoon...
 
 
A couple has returned from their honeymoon and it was obvious to everyone that they are not talking to each other. The groom's best man takes him aside and asks what's wrong.

"Well," replied the man "when we had finished making love on the first night, as I got up to go to the bathroom, I put a $50 bill on the pillow without thinking."

"Oh, you shouldn't worry about that too much," said his friend. "I'm sure your wife will get over it soon enough - she can't expect you to have been saving yourself all these years!"

The groom nodded gently and said, "I don't know if I can get over this though: She gave me $20 change!'

pot poem
 
 
When I die, bury me deep.

Plant some reefer, at my feet.

Place some papers, in my hand.

I'll roll my way, to the promised land!
three preachers
 
 
There were three preachers: a Catholic, a Baptist, and a rabbi. They are all fishing out in the lake when all of a sudden the Baptist has to go to the bathroom. So he gets up and walks across the water, does his business, and comes back. Then all of a sudden the rabbi has to go, so he gets up and walks across the water, does his business, and comes back.

Then the Catholic has to go, but when he gets out he falls into the water, so he swims back, gets back into the boat, looks up, and says, 'God, let me walk across the water.' Then he tries again and falls into the water, so he swims back, tries again and he falls again.

The Baptist leans over to the rabbi and says, 'Do you think we should tell him where the stepping stones are?'

things that make you say damn!
 
 
10) When people go the speed limit in the fast lane

9) When you just can't seem to get a green light when you're in a hurry.

8) When the police speed in regular traffic, but go the speed limit in emergencies.

7) When police or firemen turn their sirens and lights on just to get past the red light.

6) When their is nothing in the fridge when you're hungry, but when you're full, so is the fridge.

5) When, on the toilet, you go to reach for the toilet paper and....

4) Bob Costas.

3) When the gas prices go up in the summer when you need to use the A/C.

2) When the police pull you over, and you realize you forgot to take the reefer out of your ashtray.

1) When you go to pull the trigger to save your own life, and the gun just goes 'click.'

Page 213 of 497     «« Previous | Next »»