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men don't like safe sex
 
 
What is a man's idea of safe sex?

A padded headboard.

constipation
 
 
Why are contipated folks unkind and rude?

'Cause they don't give a crap!

dangerous toys
 
 
What's Red and Orange and knocks you over?

Tackle me Elmo!

drunk musicians
 
 
The St. Louis Symphony was playing Beethoven's Ninth one night. One bass player said to the other: 'We don't have much to do. Let's go next door for a few drinks.' They stayed for a while and got a little tipsy. One said to the other: 'To give us more time, I tied the pages of the music together so the conductor will have to untie it when he gets near the end.'

They staggered back into the auditorium just in time for the finish. The next day when someone asked their friend how the concert was they replied: 'The most exciting part was at the end of the Ninth when the score was tied and the bassists were loaded.'


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