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hogwarts expulsion
Why was Harry Potter kicked out of Hogwarts?

He was caught playing with his broomstick.

cat on a hot tin roof
A man left his cat with his brother while he went on vacation for a week. When he came back, the man called his brother to see when he could pick the cat up. The brother hesitated, then said, 'I'm so sorry, but while you were away, the cat died."

The man was very upset and yelled, 'You know, you could have broken the news to me better than that. When I called today, you could have said he was on the roof and wouldn't come down. Then when I called the next day, you could have said that he had fallen off and the vet was working on patching him up. Then when I called the third day, you could have said he had passed away.'

The brother thought about it and apologized.

"So how's Mom?" asked the man.

"She's on the roof and won't come down."

rubics cube
What's the similarity between a Rubics Cube and a penis?

The more you play with it, the harder it gets.
linguistic lapses
In a Bangkok dry-cleaner's shop: Drop your trousers here for best results.
Outside a Hong Kong dress shop: Ladies have fits upstairs.
In a Copenhagen airline office: We take your bags & send them in all directions.
In a Rome laundry: Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend your afternoon having a good time.
Advertisement for donkey rides in Thailand: Would you like to ride own your own ass?

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