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hang man
 
 
A boy comes running into the kitchen and says, "Mommy, mommy! Grandpa hanged himself in the living room!"

His mother runs into the living room, and sees no one there. Angrily, she says, "Listen. You should never lie like that to me again, do you understand!?!"

"I'm sorry," says the boy. "I was just kidding. He hanged himself in the basement."

that's some sick ship, man
 
 
Where does a ship go when it's sick?

To the dock.

military secrets
 
 
Q. What does marine stand for?

A. My Ass Rides In Navy Equipment.

logical nun
 
 
A nun was telling some other nuns about how she was almost attacked by a man the night before. They all wanted to know how she managed to escape. 'It was easy,' she said, 'I stopped and pulled my dress up.'

Shocked, the other nuns said, 'And then what?!'

'He pulled his pants down,' the nun replied.

'And then what?!' cried the unbelieving nuns.

'And then I ran,' she said. 'After all, a nun with her dress up can run much faster than a man with his pants down.'


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