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nine lives
 
 
Once there was man named Jim, who let his dog out to pee late one night. He watched some TV, and then remembered to let the dog back in. When he opened the door, he was shocked at what he saw! In his dog's mouth was his neighbor's cat, dead!

"Bad dog! BAD DOG!" said the panicked man.

He couldn't bring himself to tell his nieghbor what happened, so he decided to clean it up and leave it on the neighbor's porch. He took the cat into the bathroom and washed off all the blood and dirt. It took him forever, he had to wash it four times to get it all cleaned. He brushed it's beautiful white fur, blow dried it, and put it's collar back on. Since it was so dark, he snuck into the neighbor's yard, and laid the cat down on the porch, in front of the door.

The next day, he was on his way to the car to go to work and his nieghbor was outside.

"Hi," he said.

"Hi," replied Jim, nervously.

His neighbor said, "Something weird happened last night."

"Oh yeah? What's that," asked Jim, sweating now.

"Well, my cat died yesterday, and we buried him, and this morning he was lying on my front porch!"

it's the big one - take cover!!!!!!!!!!!
 
 
What did one earthquake say to the other earthquake?

“It's all your fault!”
the polish passenger
 
 
A Polish man was taking a flight on a commercial airliner. The airliner had 4 engines, which is quite normal. About an hour into the flight, a loud BOOM occurred.

The flight attendant came over the intercom and said, "Ladies and gentlemen, we have blown an engine, but there is no need to worry. We still have three engines, I repeat, we still have three engines."

Everyone stayed calm.

About another hour later, another boom.

The flight attendant comes over the intercom. "Ladies and gentlemen, we have blown another engine, but there is no need to worry! We still have two more engines to go!"

The people stayed calm.

An hour later, the same situation. Now only one engine remained.

Then, the Polish man stood up and said outloud, "Man! If this keeps up, we could be up here all day!"

clock joke
 
 
Why shouldn't you tell a secret around a clock?

Because time will tell.

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