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Several months later the guy's eyes are still bulging and his ears are still protruding - more so now that his hair is gone. So this time he goes to a different doctor who informs him that he has a prostate problem and that they will have to remove his testicles. So the guy has the surgery only to find out months later, his eyes are still bulging and his ears are still protruding.
Determined to find out what is wrong with him he goes to another doctor who tells him that the nerves in his hands are pinching the nerve endings in his ears and his eyes and the only way to resolve the problem is to have his hands amputated. Sadly, the guy lets his hands be amputated.
On a follow-up visit to this doctor the doctor informs him that while they were doing the surgery on his hands, they found that the man has a terminal cancer and that he only has months to live. The guy is hysterical at this point and resolves that if he only has months to live he is going to live it up. So he goes out to buy a brand new sports car, new furniture, and a new wardrobe. However, when he went to order some custom shirts, the tailor told him he took a 17-inch neck.
"No, I've always taken a 15-inch neck."
"But sir, you have a 17-inch neck."
"Listen - I'm 45 years old, and for the past 30 years I've taken a 15-inch neck."
"Okay, I'll do it. But you do know what happens when the neck is too small?"
"What?"
"It makes your eyes bulge and your ears protrude."
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A young man just got a new job running the register at a store. The old-timer said he would teach him how to sell things. "Watch how I do it" he said to the new hire as a man came up to the counter.
The customer put a bag of grass seed on the counter. The old-timer then said to him "You know when you plant those seeds and the grass starts growing you're going to need a new lawnmower to cut that grass." "You know," said the man, "I do need to get a new mower, sure I'll take one."
After the customer left, the new kid said, "I think I see what you mean. Let me handle this next one." A man then stepped up to the counter and set down a box of tampons. The young salesman then said, "You know you should get you a new lawnmower to go with that."
The man then asked the young salesman, "What are you talking about?" "Well," he said, "It looks like your weekend's shot so you might as well cut the grass!"
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'What do you want?' he asked.
'Do you have any tobacco?' asked the old man. The passenger handed the old man a cigarette, and he went away.
'Go faster!' said the passenger. 'I don't want to see him again!' So the driver pushed the spedometer to 80 mph. But soon, the old man appears at the window again! Scared, the passenger rolls down his window again.
'Do you have a light?' said the old man's face. Trembling, the passenger handed him a pack of matches. And the old man went away.
'Drive faster!' said the passenger. So they pushed it to 100 mph. But ten minutes later, the face returns. 'What do you want from us?' screamed the passenger.
The old man gently replied 'You jackasses want some help getting out of the mud?'
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'It's all cleared up!' the man reports when he returns. 'But what was that medication you gave me?'
'Lipstick remover.'
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