Whatever jokes

Two old ladies were waiting for a bus and one of them was smoking a cigarette. It started to rain, so the old lady reached into her purse, took out a condom, cut off the tip and slipped it over her cigarette and continued to smoke.

Her friend saw this and said, "Hey that's a good idea! But, what is that thing you put over your cigarette?"

The other old lady said, "It's a condom."

"A condom? Where do you get those?"

The lady with the cigarette told her friend that you could purchase condoms at the pharmacy. When the two old ladies arrived downtown, the old lady with all the
questions went into the pharmacy and asked the pharmacist if he sold condoms. The pharmacist said yes, but looked a little surprised that this old woman was interested in condoms, so he asked her, "What size do you want?"

The old lady thought for a minute and said, "One that will fit a Camel."

Having never seen a priest before, he asked the man, "Excuse me sir, but why do you have your shirt collar on backwards?"

The priest became a bit flustered but politely answered, "I wear this collar because I am a Father".

The old man thought a second and responded, "Sir I am also a Father but I wear my collar front-ways. Why do you wear your collar so differently?"

The priest thought for a minute and said, "Sir, I am the father for many."

The old man quickly answered, "I too am the father of many. I have four sons, four daughters and too many grandchildren to count. But I wear my collar like everyone else does.

"Why do you wear it your way?"

The priest who was beginning to get exasperated thought and then blurted out, "Sir, I am the father for hundreds and hundreds of people."

The old man from the far-away country was taken aback and was silent for a long time.

As he got up to leave the subway train, he leaned over to the priest and said, "Mister, maybe you should wear your pants backwards."

The first guy was great. He knew everything he needed to and was very interesting. But at the end of the interview, Steve asked him, "Do you notice anything different about me?" The gentleman answered, "Why yes I couldn't help but notice you have no ears." Steve got very angry and threw him out.

The second interview was with a woman, and she was even better than the first guy. But he asked her the same question, "Do you notice anything different about me?" She replied, "Well... you have no ears." Steve again was upset and tossed her out.

The third and last interview was the best of all three. It was with a very young man who was fresh out of college. He was smart. He was handsome. And he seemed to be a better businessman than the first two put together. Steve was anxious, but went ahead and asked the young man the same question: "Do you notice anything different about me?" And to his surprise, the young man answered: "Yes. You wear contact lenses." Steve was shocked, and said, "What an incredibly observant young man you are. How in the world did you know that?"

The young man replied, "Well, it's pretty hard to wear glasses with no fricking ears!"