Whatever jokes

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programmer guffaws
 
 
How many programmers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None, that's a hardware problem!
hunters
 
 
Two hunters are out on a long day in the forest, when one of them has to take a dump. "Go in the bushes," says the other hunter. "But what'll I use to wipe with?" "Use a dollar bill. That's what I do." So the other hunter goes into the bushes, and comes back with crap all over his hands. "What happened?" asks his friend. "I didn't have a dollar bill so I used four quarters."
the chinese workman
 
 
A building contracter hires an Englishman, an Irishman, and a Chinaman. He gathers them all in his office and tells each of them their jobs. The Englishman to shovel a pile of sand. The Irishman has to take the sand in the wheelbarrow to the truck. The Chinaman is in charge of supplies.

The boss comes back two hours later and he sees the Englishman and the Irishman having a cup of tea. 'So have you done the work then?' he asks.

The workers both shake their heads and tell him that the Chinaman didn't give them a shovel or a wheelbarrow. The boss is infuriated by this and asks the workers if they have seen the Chinaman, they tell him they thought they saw him going toward the truck. So the boss sets out towards the truck and just as he is getting close to the truck the Chinaman jumps out from behind a wall and yells, "SUPPLIES!"

it happened at 40,000 feet
 
 
While cruising at 40,000 feet, the airplane shuddered and Mr. Benson looked out the window.

"Good Lord!" he screamed. "One of the engines just blew up!"

Other passengers left their seats and came running over. Suddenly, the aircraft was rocked by a second blast as yet another engine exploded on the other side. The passengers were in a panic now, and even the stewardesses couldn't maintain order!

Just then, standing tall and smiling confidently, the pilot strode from the cockpit and assured everyone that there was nothing to worry about. Most of the passengers seemed to feel better on hearing this, and they sat down as the pilot walked to the front of the aircraft. There, he grabbed several packages from under the seats and began handing them to the flight attendants. Each crewmember attached the package to their backs.

"Say," spoke up an alert passenger, "aren't those parachutes?"

The pilot said, "Yes, they are."

The passenger went on, "But I thought you said there was nothing to worry about?"

"There isn't," replied the pilot as a third engine exploded.

"We're just going to get help."


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