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baking blondes
One day 2 blondes walked into a tanning salon. One blonde said, " A tan for 2 please!"

The cashier said, " Ok," filled out a form for them and asked, "are you two sisters?"

They chuckled and replied, " No, we aren't even Catholic."

you're so ugly... mistletoe
You're so ugly, at Christmas, we hang you up and kiss the mistletoe.
daughter's prayer
A family was having some people to dinner. At the table, the mother turned to her six-year-old daughter and said, "Dear, would you like to say the blessing?"

"I wouldn't know what to say," replied the little girl, shyly.

"Just say what you hear Mommy say, sweetie," the woman said.

Her daughter took a deep breath, bowed her head, and solemnly said, "Dear Lord, why the hell did I invite all these people to dinner!?!"

mime in a forest
A mime is walking aimlessly through a forest.

A tree falls on him.

Does anyone care?

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