Whatever jokes

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Whatever


you so ugly
 
 
You so ugly, your mama put you next to a piece of crap and said "Twins!"
our four sons
 
 
Four guys went golfing; one went in the clubhouse to pay while the others waited at the first tee. One of the guys says, “I'm so proud of my son. He is a stock broker and he's made enought that he just gave away a huge portfolio.” The next guy said, “I'm so proud of my son. He's a car dealer and he's doing so well, he just gave away a Ferrari.” The third guy says, “I'm so proud of my son. He's got enough money that he just gave away a million-dollar home.”
Just as the third guy fininshes talking, the fourth guy joins them and asks, “What are you guys talking about?'
“Just about how good our sons are doing,” the three men replied. “Well, my son is doing very well,” says the fourth man, “He's a male stripper and just last week he got a huge portfolio, a Ferrari and a million-dollar home.”
gross, grosser, grossest
 
 
What's grosser than gross?
Two vampires fighting over a bloody tampon.

What's grosser than that?
Finding a used condom on the bottom of a mayonnaise jar.

What's grosser than that?
When you open the refigerator and the rump rost farts in your face.

You want to know what's grosser than that?
When you sit on your grandpa's lap and he pops a boner.

But the one thing that is grosser than that is when you are siting on your grandma's lap and she pops a boner.

top 10 ways to get rid of telemarketers
 
 
10) Pretend you don't speak English.

9) Say “Hold on,” then scream to a nonexistent person: “If you try to take the knife out, it'll just hurt worse!”

8) Burst into tears when money is mentioned.

7) Ask if the deal is good for all your personalities.

6) Tell them you'll accept their offer if they can guess your color of underwear.

5) Repeat everything they say in the form of a question.
4) As soon as they identify themselves, say, “You guys are still in business? Well, I guess the bomb has another 30 seconds.”

3) Tell them the restraining order applies to phone calls as well as physical distance.

2) Mutter: “Aww, damn. Not another one. The last Jehovah's Witness almost got me the death penalty.”

1) HANG UP THE DARN PHONE!

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