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havaii or hawaii
 
 
These two persons are discussing whether the state of Hawaii is pronounced 'Havaii' or 'Hawaii.' So there they stood arguing and arguing, until they decided to ask the gentleman that was walking by. The gentleman said, 'Havaii.' So they both looked at each other, and as the gentleman was leaving, one of the two said to him, 'Thank you.' The gentleman replied by saying, 'Your velcome.'
rhyming riddles are the best
 
 
An asp in the grass is a snake, but a grasp in the ass is a goose.
closer to god
 
 
A 70-year-old man went to the doctor's for a physical. The doctor ran some tests and said to the man, "Well, everything seems to be in top condition physically, but what about mentally? How is your connection with God?"

And the man answered, "Oh me and God? We have a really tight bond, he's so good to me. Every night when I have to get up to go to the bathroom, he turns on the light for me, and then, when I leave, he turns it back off."

The Doctor was astonished. He called the man's wife and said, "I'd like to speak to you about your husband's connection with God. He claims that every night when he needs to use the restroom, God turns on the light for him and turns it off for him again when he leaves. Is this true?"

And she said, "That idiot, he's been peeing in the refrigerator!"

a redneck taped paper to his television...
 
 
A redneck taped toilet paper to his television.

He said, "Hey, lookie here, now we have free paper view!"


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