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don't leave 'em hanging
 
 
Ralph and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital.

One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Ralph suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there. Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Ralph out.

When the Head Nurse became aware of Edna's heroic act she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered her to be mentally stable.

When she went to tell Edna the news she said, "Edna, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged; since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of another patient, I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness. The bad news is, Ralph, the patient you saved, hung himself with his bathrobe belt in the bathroom. I am so sorry, but he's dead."

Edna replied "He didn't hang himself. I put him there to dry. How soon can I go home?"

thank the lord!
 
 
There was a guy in the middle of the desert and his car broke down. He started walking and he came to a monastery, where he asked them if he could borrow a mule. The monks lent him one, and they explained that you had to say “Thank the Lord!” to make it go and “Amen!” to make it stop. So the man said, “Thank the lord, thank the lord and thank the lord!” and the mule took off! He was comming to the edge of a cliff and he forgot how to make it stop. Finally, at the very edge he remembered, “Amen!” Tee guy was so releved he shouted, “Thank the lord!”
midget shmidget
 
 
Did you hear about the midget that went to a nudist colony?

He kept getting in everyone's hair.
clock
 
 
Why did the man throw the clock out the window?
To see time fly.

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