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jack be nimble
 
 
Jack be nimble, Jack be quick
Jack jumped over a candlestick.
But Jack wasn't so nimble,
And Jack tripped,
Now Jack's stuck in bed with a burnt...
bite your tongue
 
 
What's one thing you don't tell to a vampire?

Bite me.
wash the cat
 
 
The doctor was walking around checking by his patients when he saw a man putting a cat into the washing machine then said to the man, 'Are you crazy? The cat's going to die!' The man said, 'Don't you worry about her Doc, I wash this cat everyday.' So the doctor shook his head and kept on walking, but ten minutes later the doctor came back and the cat was dead! So he said to the man angrily, 'Didn't I tell you you'd kill the cat?' The man said, 'Doc, the cat didn't die because I washed her, the cat died because I ironed her.'
highly illogical
 
 
Two rednecks, Bubba and Cooter, decided that they weren't going anywhere in life and thought they should go to college to get ahead.

Bubba goes in first, and the professor advises him to take math, history and logic.

"What's logic?" asked Bubba.

The professor answered, "Let me give you an example. Do you own a weed-whacker?"

"I sure do," answered the redneck.

"Then I can assume, using logic, that you have a yard," replied the professor.

"That's real good," the redneck responded in awe.

The professor continued, "Logic will also tell me that since you have a yard, you also have a house."

Impressed, the redneck shouted, "AMAZING!"

"And since you own a house, logic dictates that you have a wife."

"Betty Mae! This is incredible!"

"Finally, since you have a wife, logically I can assume that you are heterosexual," said the professor.

"You're absolutely right! Why, that's the most fascinating thing I ever heard of! I can't wait to take this here logic class."

Bubba, proud of the new world opening up to him, walked back into the hallway where Cooter waswaiting.

"So, what classes are ya takin?" he asks.

"Math, history and logic," replies Bubba.

Cooter asks, "What isis logic?"

"Let me give you an example. Do ya own a weed-eater?"

"No."

"You're a queer, ain't ya?"


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