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thermos
 
 
A man walks into a store and sees a thermos.
"May I help you?" asks a store clerk.
"Yeah! What's that?"
"Why, that's a thermos! It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold!" The man buys it and the next day the man goes to work carrying this thermos. His co-workers ask what it is, and he tells them.
"It's a thermos. It keeps hot things hot, and cold things cold."
"What do you have in there?"
"Two popsicles and a cup of coffee."
father murphy's donkey
 
 
Father Murphy was a very poor priest in a very poor parish and he needed money. He bought a horse to enter in a local race, but the horse turned out to be a donkey. Still, Father Murphy took it as God's will and entered the donkey in the race anyway. The donkey came in third and the newspaper said, "FATHER MURPHY'S ASS SHOWS!"

Encouraged, Father Murphy entered the donkey in another race. The donkey came in first and the papers said, "FATHER MURPHY'S ASS UP FRONT!" He entered the animal in yet another race. This time it came in second and the papers read, "FATHER MURPHY'S ASS BACK IN PLACE!".

The archbishop heard of the priest's activities and decided the church didn't approve of gambling. He ordered Father Murphy to pull the donkey out of all future races. The papers announced, "ARCHBISHOP SCRATCHES FATHER MURPHY'S ASS!"

The Father gaves the donkey to one of the nuns, Sister Agatha and the papers said, "NUN OWNS BEST ASS IN TOWN!"But eventually Sister Agatha got tired of tending the donkey, and sold it to a children's home for only ten dollars. And the newspapers blared, "NUN PEDDLES ASS FOR $10!"

the broccoli
 
 
A guy walked into a restaurant and asked for some broccoli. The waiter said, 'Sorry, there's no broccoli.'

So the man asked for a meat pie and broccoli. The waiter said, "There is no broccoli."

So he asked for a meat pie, chips, and broccoli. The waiter replied, 'Spell cat, as in catastrophe.'

'C-A-T,' the man answered.

The waiter then asked, 'Spell dog as in dogmatic.'

The man said 'D-O-G.'

'Now spell freak, as in broccoli,' the waiter said.

The man yelled 'THERE'S NO FREAK IN BROCCOLI!'

The waiter laughed, 'EXACTLY!!"

joke joke
 
 
When's a joke like a father?

When the punchline's apparent!

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