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frankenstein's sex life
Why can't Frankenstein's monster have sex?

Because his nuts are on his neck.

nuts and bolts
What did the nut say to the bolt?

Screw me!
the flu
A guy walks into a doctor's office and says "Doc, I'm horribly sick!"

The doctor looks at him and asks "Flu?" '
"Flew? I drove, you moron!"
god vs. the scientists
One day a group of eminent scientists got together and decided that mankind had come a long way and no longer needed God. So they picked one scientist to go and tell Him that they were done with Him.

The scientist walked up to God and said, "God, we've decided that we no longer need You. We're to the point that we can clone people and do many miraculous things, so why don't You just retire?"

God listened very patiently to the man and then said, "Very well, but first, how about this: Let's have a Man-making contest."

To which the scientist replied, "Okay, great!" But God added, "Now, we're going to do this just like I did back in the old days with Adam."

The scientist said, "Sure, no problem" and bent down and grabbed himself a handful of dirt.

God looked at him and said, "No, no, no You go get your own dirt!"

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