Whatever jokes

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programmer lines for when their programs fail
 
 

20) "That's weird..."
19) "It's never done that before."
18) "It worked yesterday."
17) "How is that possible?"
16) "It must be a hardware problem."
15) "What did you type in wrong to get it to crash?"
14) "There is something funky in your data."
13) "I haven't touched that module in weeks!"
12) "You must have the wrong version."
11) "It's just some unlucky coincidence."
10) "I can't test everything!"
9) "THIS can't be the source of THAT."
8) "It works, but it hasn't been tested."
7) "Somebody must have changed my code."
6) "Did you check for a virus on your system?"
5) "Even though it doesn't work, how does it feel?
4) "You can't use that version on your system."
3) "Why do you want to do it that way?"
2) "Where were you when the program blew up?"
1) "It works on my machine."

oh, god, help me find a safe house
 
 
There was a young man whose parents beat him all the time, so he went to his next-door neighbor for help.
"What about your grandparent's house?"
"They beat me too."
"What about your aunt and uncle's?"
"They beat me too."
"Well, where do you think you should live?"
"With the Oakland Raiders. They never beat anyone."
shoes
 
 
Never say anything about a man until you have walked a mile in his shoes - because then you are a mile away and you've got his shoes and you can say whatever the hell you want about him
marine get up and go
 
 
How do you kill a marine?

Throw sand against the wall and tell him to hit the beach!


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