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in the groove
 
 
A hippie saunters into an urban Bar & Grill and orders a cheeseburger.

"But make sure to make it not too well done, not too rare, but just in the groove." The waiter is a little annoyed at this, but serves him the burger.

"Waiter!" the hippie says after a little bit. "Could I get a cup of tea? Not too weak, not too strong, but just in the groove." More annoyed now, the waiter contemplates pissing in the tea, but doesn't.

"Waiter!" the hippies says a little later. "Could I get some ice cream? Not too chocolate, not too vanilla, but just in the groove."

"Wait," said the waiter. "I have another idea. How 'bout you kiss my ass? Not too much to the right, not too much to the left, but just in the groove."

discrimination
 
 
It was recess and the pre-schoolers came in. The teacher asked Susie what she did today. 'Well, I played in the sandbox,' she said. The teacher said, 'If you can spell sand, I'll give you a fresh-baked cookie.' So Susie did.

Then Billy came in and the teacher asked what he did. 'I played in the sandbox with Susie,' he said. 'If you can spell sand, I'll give you a cookie,' the teacher said. So Billy did.

Then the little Russian boy said, 'Well, I wanted to play in the sandbox, but Billy and Susie were throwing rocks at me.'

The teacher said, 'Well, that sounds like discrimination. If you can spell that, I'll give you a cookie.'

ghosting it
 
 
Why do ghosts always shake and moan?

Because it's damn cold beneath those sheets!
men with no arms or legs
 
 
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in the water? Bob.

On the wall? Art.

On the floor? Matt.


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