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a little boy gets on a bus...
 
 
A little boy gets on a bus and sits behind the busdriver. As they're driving along, he sings, "If my daddy was a bull and my mommy was a cow, then I'd be a little bull." Annoyed, the busdriver tells the little boy to sit down, but the little boy continues, "If my daddy was a stag and my mommy was a deer, I'd be a little stag." The busdriver, tells the boy to shut up, but the little boy keeps singing, "If my daddy..." The busdriver suddently turns around and asks, "What if your daddy was gay and your mommy was a hooker?" The little boy then begins singing, "If my daddy was gay and my mommy was a hooker, then I'd be a busdriver."
jugglenaut
 
 
A driver was pulled over by a police officer for speeding. As the officer was writing the ticket, she noticed several machetes in the car. "What are those for?" she asked suspiciously. "I'm a juggler," the man replied. "I use those in my act." "Well, show me," the officer demanded. The driver got out the machetes and started juggling them, starting with three, then more, and then finally seven at one time. He juggled them overhand, underhand, and behind the back, putting on a dazzling show and amazing the officer. As another car passed by, the driver did a double take, and said to himself, "I've got to give up drinking! Look at the test they're giving now."
it's awful scary in these woods, mister!
 
 
"It's awful scary in these woods, mister!"

"You're telling me, I have to walk out of them by myself!"

one night, george w. bush is tossing restlessly
 
 
One night, George W. Bush is tossing restlessly in his White House bed. He awakens to see George Washington standing by him. Bush asks him, "George, what's the best thing I can do to help the country?"

"Set an honest and honorable example, just as I did," Washington advises, then fades away.

The next night, Bush is astir again, and sees the ghost of Thomas Jefferson moving through the darkened bedroom.

Bush calls out, "Tom, please! What is the best thing I could do to help the country?"

"Respect the Constitution, as I did," Jefferson advises, and dims from sight.

The third night sleep is still not in the cards for Bush. He awakens to see the ghost of F. D. R. hovering over his bed. Bush whispers, "Franklin, What is the best thing I could do to help the country?"

"Help the less fortunate, just as I did," FDR replies and fades into the mists.

Bush isn't sleeping well the fourth night when he sees another figure moving in the shadows. It is the ghost of Abraham Lincoln. "Abe, what is the best thing I can do right now, to help the country?" Bush pleads.

Abe replies, "My advice is, do something relaxing. Go see a play!"


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