Whatever jokes

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Whatever


face sabbatical
 
 
Can I borrow your face for a few days?

My ass is on vacation.

motor pool
 
 
The phone rang at the motor pool and an authoritative voice demanded to know how many vehicles were operational. Jim answered, 'We've got twelve trucks, ten utilities, three staff cars and that Bentley the fat-arsed colonel swanks around in.' There was a stony silence for a second or two.

'Do you know who you are speaking to?'

'No,' said Paddy.

'It is the so-called fat-arsed colonel you so insubordinately referred to.'

'Well, do you know who you are talking to?'

'No,' roared the colonel.

'Well thank goodness for that,' said Paddy as he hung up the phone.
vandal scandal
 
 
Somebody recent vandalised the local nudist camp. They put a hole in the wall, and the police are currently looking into it.
signs you're watching too much tv
 
 
  1. The bumper sticker on your car reads: "What Would Dawson Do?"
  2. In the middle of an exam, you tell the professor you want to use a lifeline.
  3. You need to be tranquilized when the cable goes out.
  4. In the late evening, you look forward to sitting back and catching the latest informercial.
  5. If you're a witness to an argument, you instinctually shout, "Jer-ry! Jer-ry! Jer-ry!"
  6. You try to impress the opposite sex by saying, "Hey, I get 120 channels!"
  7. Your entire CD collection consists of "Greatest Hits" albums by the decade.
  8. You have a gold-plated "clicker."
  9. Your intellectual discussions all stem from The Discovery Channel.
  10. After 15 minutes of work, you need a two-minute break.

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