Whatever jokes

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stick 'em up
Police: Why did you steal his watch?

Thief: I didn't steal it, he gave it to me!

Police: When did he give it to you?

Thief: When I showed him the gun!
A man walks into a store and sees a thermos.
"May I help you?" asks a store clerk.
"Yeah! What's that?"
"Why, that's a thermos! It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold!" The man buys it and the next day the man goes to work carrying this thermos. His co-workers ask what it is, and he tells them.
"It's a thermos. It keeps hot things hot, and cold things cold."
"What do you have in there?"
"Two popsicles and a cup of coffee."
moth inspector
A man walks in his room after work and is suprised to find his wife lying naked on the bed. After careful examination he spies a pair of bare feet sticking out from underneath the curtains. He rips open the blinds to find a naked man standing there. 'Who the hell are you?' he yells. The naked guy replies 'I'm the moth inspector' 'Oh, yeah? What are you doing naked?' He looks down and exclaims 'Oh my God! I'm too late!'
texas vs. rhode island
A Texan is bragging to a New Englander. "In Texas," he drawls, "you can get on a train, ride all day long, and still be in Texas by nightfall."

"So what?" replies the Yankee, "We have slow trains in Rhode Island, too."

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