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psychiatric hotline
 
 
We've all had the annoying experience of calling up a hotline and waiting on the phone for eons to hear all the choices the lucky touch-tone dialers receive. Well, think how frustrating that would be if you were calling the.... PSYCHIATRIC HOTLINE

The telephone rings and an answering machine answers... "Welcome to the psychiatric hotline." If you are obsessive compulsive, please press one repeatedly.

If you are codependent, please ask someone to press 2.

If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5, and 6.

If you are paranoid/delusional, we know who you are, what you want, just stay on the line so that we can trace your call.

If you are a schizophrenic, listen carefully, and a little voice will tell you which number to press. If your are manic depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press....no one will answer any way.

blonde looking for a job
 
 
A blonde was filling out an application form for a job. She promptly filled the columns entitled NAME, AGE, ADDRESS, etc. Then she came to the column: SALARY EXPECTED.

'Yes.'
can you believe how many award shows there are....
 
 
Can you believe how many award shows they have now? They have awards for commercials, "The Cleo Awards". It's a whole show full of commercials.

I taped it and then I fast-forwarded through the whole thing.

social security
 
 
An old man went to the social security office to sign up.
He had stood in the line for a very long time until it was finally his turn. The lady behind the counter ask him for identification. He went to get his wallet out of his back pocket and relized he had left it at home. The lady told him that was alright he could just show her his chest hairs and if they were grey she knew he was old enough for social security.

After everything was done there he went home and told his wife how his day went. He told her that he had forgotten his wallet at home and the lady at the social security office just ask him to pull down the front of his shirt and she could tell he was old enough.

After listening to his story his wife told him if he had dropped his pants he probably could have gotten disability too.


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