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constipated accountant
 
 
Did you hear about the constipated accountant?

He couldn't budget so he had to work it out with a pencil and paper.

traveling on friday
 
 
If a cowboy rides into town on Friday and three days later leaves on Friday, how does he do it?

The horse's name is Friday!

a scotsman is on holiday in new york city...
 
 
A Scotsman is on holiday in New York City.

It's a balmy spring day and he is wearing a kilt.

A young woman comes up to him and boldly asks him if anything is worn beneath the kilt.

"No lassie" he replies, "everything is in fine working order."

even & odd-numbered snow parking
 
 
Harry and Martha were sitting down to their usual morning cup of coffee listening to the weather report coming over the radio. "There will be 3 to 5 inches of snow today and a snow emergency has been declared. You must park your cars on the odd numbered side of the streets."

Harry got up from his coffee and replied, "Well, okay."

Two days later, again they both are sitting down with their morning cup of coffee and the weather forecast is, "There will be 2 to 4 inches of snow today and a snow emergency has been declared. You must park your cars on the even numbered side of the streets."

Harry got up from his coffee and replied, "Well, okay."

Three days later, again they both are sitting down with their cup of coffee and the weather forecast is, "There will be 6 to 8 inches of snow today and a snow emergency has been declared. You must park your cars on the..." and then the power went off and Harry didn't get the rest of the instructions. He said to Martha, "What am I going to do now, Martha?"

Martha said, "Aw, Harry, just leave the car in the garage.


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