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constipated accountant
 
 
Did you hear about the constipated accountant?

He couldn't budget so he had to work it out with a pencil and paper.

tomato family outing
 
 
Once upon a time there was a family of tomatoes were walking down the road. The baby was walking slowly, he began to fall behind his mommy and daddy. After about 5 minutes, the daddy became so furious he turned around and stomped on his son. "Come on, Ketchup! Let's go!"
santa's miranda rights
 
 
Q: Why did Santa get arrested?

A: He got caught laying Barbie under the Christmas tree!

one-armed man
 
 
Q: How do you get a one-armed man out of a tree?

A: wave at him.

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