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2 canadian guys
 
 
Two Canadian guys, Mike and Rob were on the roof, laying tile, when a sudden gust of wind came and knocked down their ladder.

"I have an idea," said Mike. "We'll throw you down, and then you can pick up the ladder."

"What, do you think I'm stupid? I have an idea. I'll shine my flashlight, and you can climb down on the beam of light."

"What, do you think I'm stupid? You'll just turn off the flashlight when I'm halfway there."

40' long and stinky
 
 
What is 40 feet long and smells like urine?

Line dancing at the nursing home.

monkey programmers
 
 
A tourist walked into a pet shop and was looking at the animals on display. While he was there another customer walked in and said to the shopkeeper, 'I'll have that monkey please'. The shopkeeper nodded, went over to a cage at the side of the shop, and took out a monkey. He fit a collar and leash and handed it to the customer, saying, 'That'll be $5000'. The customer paid and walked out with his monkey. Startled, the tourist went over to the shopkeeper and said, 'That was a very expensive monkey. Most of them are only a few hundred dollars. Why did he cost so much?' The shopkeeper answered, 'Ah, that monkey can program in 'C' very fast, tight code, no bugs, well worth the money.' The tourist looked at the monkey in another cage. 'That one's even more expensive - $10,000! What does he do?' 'Oh, that one's a C++ monkey; he can manage object-oriented programming, Visual C++, even some Java. All the really useful stuff,' said the shopkeeper. The tourist looked around for a little longer and saw a third monkey in a cage of his own. The price tag around his neck read $50,000. He gasped to the shopkeeper, 'That one costs more than all the others put together! What on earth does he do?' The shopkeeper shrugged and said, 'Well, to tell you the truth, I haven't actually seen him do anything, but he says he's a SAP consultant.'
you can ring my bell, ring my bell
 
 
One upon a time there was a town with a new church steeple with a bell that wouldn't ring. People came from miles around to try it. One day a small fellow came up to the priest and said, “I can do it.”

The priest said, “Okay, try it.”

The little fellow went to the steeple, took three steps back, and ran into the bell with his face. BONG!! The bell rang and he was hired.

One windy day as he took his three steps back to ring the bell, and the wind moved the bell. The little fellow missed the bell and fell out of the steeple. He landed in the middle of the plaza where people gathered to see what happened.

The priest came through the crowd and asked, “Does anyone know this fellow's name?”

Someone in the crowd replied, “I don't know his name, but his face rings a bell!”


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