Whatever jokes

Jokes » whatever » jokes 471

Whatever


hogwarts expulsion
 
 
Why was Harry Potter kicked out of Hogwarts?

He was caught playing with his broomstick.

applying for social security
 
 
A retired gentleman went to apply for Social Security. After waiting in line for quite a long time he arrived at the counter. The woman behind the counter asked him for his identification to verify his age. He looked in his pockets and realized he had left his wallet at home. He told the woman that he seemed to have left his wallet at home. 'Will I have to go home and come back now?' he asks. The woman says, 'Unbutton your shirt.' He opens his shirt revealing lots of curly silver hair. She says, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me,' as she processes his Social Security application.
When he gets home, the man excitedly tells his wife about his experience at the Social Security office. She says, 'You should have dropped your pants -- you might have qualified for disability, too.'
dr. seuss as technical writer
 
 
Dr. Seuss as Technical Writer

If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port,
and the bus is interrupted as a very last resort,
and the address of the memory makes your floppy disk abort,
then the socket packet pocket has an error to report.

If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash,
and the double-clicking icon puts your window in the trash,
and your data is corrupted 'cause the index doesn't hash,
then your situation's hopeless and your system's gonna crash!

If the label on the cable on the table at your house,
says the network is connected to the button on your mouse,
but your packets want to tunnel on another protocol,
that's repeatedly rejected by the printer down the hall,
and your screen is all distorted by the side effects of gauss,
so your icons in the window are as wavy as a souse,
then you may as well reboot and go out with a bang,
'cause as sure as I'm a poet, the sucker's gonna hang!

When the copy of your floppy's getting sloppy on the disk,
And the microcode instructions cause unnecessary risc,
Then you have to flash your memory and you'll want to RAM your ROM
Quicky turn off the computer and be sure to tell your mom!

two of dem dere lesbians
 
 
Two lesbians walk into a whorehouse and ask for the youngest girl they got. The madam looks at them for a second and says, "Sorry, we don't serve minors to lickers!"

Page 472 of 497     «« Previous | Next »»